Editor's Note: Britt has since graduated from law school and the family now resides on the island of Hawaii.

Melissa Gosland, 41, and Britt Bailey, 43, never thought a simple plane ride would dramatically change their lives, but their move from California to Hawaii did just that, and in ways that make securing equality for LGBT citizens all the more urgent.

In 1999, Melissa, a physician working at a “very Norman Rockwell” family practice in Santa Rosa, was “set up” on a first date with Britt by a patient. But the match-maker's first attempt was to set up Melissa with a guy “and I was like ‘no. That’s not the team I play for,’” Melissa recalls. The couple finish the story in unison: “The patient said, ‘Oh. That’s OK. We can do that, too!’”

That first date - a long walk on the beach - was love at first sight “in our own kinda cool way,” Britt deadpans.

“Britt came out of the fog paddling,” Melissa dreamingly recalls. “We got our dogs and realized they looked like they were from the same litter. She gave me this great hug at the end and I was like ‘wow.’”

A few months later, people were asking the couple how long they had been together.

In 2002 the couple registered as domestic partners in California, “but my sister kept bugging us about when we were going to have the ceremony,” Melissa says. “So we got married in front of our families and friends in June of 2003. Two white dresses. One Episcopal priest. Fabulous food and a great band.”

In 2004 the couple decided to start working on having a family and on June 17, 2005, Tatum entered their lives “and nothing has been the same since,” jokes Britt.

Britt had always wanted to go to law school, but when they first met, Melissa had just started her position in Santa Rosa and didn’t want to leave. Then they had Tatum. When Tatum started preschool, the couple believed the time had come to begin searching for the next stage of their lives: a career for Melissa, law school for Britt, and a larger community where Tatum might find fellow children who had two moms or two dads.

“The stars aligned,” Britt says. She got accepted to the University of Hawaii's law school and Melissa was offered a position with Kaiser Permanente.

State laws and employer benefits packages played a factor in their search.

“That played a big part when we were looking,” Melissa recalls. “We had to look at the laws around same-sex couples. We had to choose carefully in terms of the job I took because I felt I couldn’t take just any job in Hawaii and have health insurance for Britt. I had to be very out and find out if Britt would be covered because there was no guarantee in the state. The culture of this state is that it’s OK to discriminate.”

Just as they were preparing to move to Hawaii, California's court ruled that same-sex couples could get married. Since their ceremony in the Episcopal church in 2005 was not a legally recognized marriage, Britt and Melissa took the day off from work and headed for the Mendocino Courthouse the first day it was legal: June 17, 2008.

“It was really neat,” Britt remembers. “It's a large county, land-wise, but very rural and conservative ... maybe 80,000 people. There were these couples that had been together 30 years and were coming out of the woodwork and showing up at Mendocino County Courthouse. I was blown away with how much celebration there was within the county workers.”

The couple - while preparing for the move - had no idea how life-altering the “legal” marriage would be.

“It’s hard to articulate.” Britt explains. “You don’t know what you are missing until you experience it. We had the sacred and spiritual wedding. But to go to courthouse and in ten minutes you get this piece of paper and it is huge. Just being able to hold your head high and walk down a street or through an airport and realize that I’m as married as every other person. There was something that was very significant about getting that piece of paper. There was this sense of equality, that our relationship was on the same foundation - grounded on the same law - as every family.”

Melissa concurs.

“Sure, we got lawyers to draw up the papers ... things that a married straight couple would never have to do to protect themselves. It was amazing once we were married, we didn’t have to worry like that again.” She pauses and adds, “But then we moved here and now have to worry about it all over again. Two months later we are unmarried again."

Britt adds, "You touch down and you are an outlaw again."

“It was hard to adjust to that again,” Melissa continues. “It was hard to have to sit down and fill out another form. It’s ridiculous. How many ways do we have to prove we are life partners? In a five-and-a-half-hour plane ride, we went from being a married couple to being an unmarried couple in the eyes of the law.“

“It’s annoying and not fair,” Britt says. “All of the sudden you are unmarried. Fill out this form. Pay your $10 and claw your way into some type of legal standing. I’m constantly aware of the legal rights I have in other states vs. here. I want to live in a state that accepts me and my relationship and accepts my family with all the same legal rights as other states. Our poor tax guy last year: Federal forms, California forms, and Hawaii forms. Our marital status was different for every single one. We had to pay him a lot. It’s very confusing. And expensive. It’s amazing the things we have to think about ... the things they heterosexual couples don’t have to think about. They things we did have to think about, but then didn’t, but now do again.”

Although legally “second class,” the family enjoys other blessings Hawaii offers.

The family goes to St. Clement’s Parish. An accepting church was not something a small town offered. Tatum enjoys Sunday school, has friends through church and “is thriving” in school. Melissa loves Kaiser’s “efficient, prevention-focused” approach. Britt loves law school.

The daughter of an Episcopal priest, “the church has been a part of my life since Day One,” Melissa says. That also made the move to Hawaii difficult.

“That really got me when I first got here. I moved here expecting to be at least tolerated if not accepted and within a month of moving here, the "red shirts" (opponents of civil unions) were out. I don’t have a good comeback because I feel so assaulted and so hurt. So angry because it's my God, too. I can put on a red shirt. I go to church. I can show up with my red shirt and my wife and my child. It’s not their God and it’s not their country. Stay out of my relationship. I don’t understand how people can feel so threatened.”

Britt continues: “God is God. I don’t expect my God to be in their civil laws and I don’t want their God to be in my civil laws. The church should not be so prominent in this debate. It’s a civil issue. It’s about equality and it’s not about religion.”

Melissa concludes: “I’ve grown up in the church. We attend church. The God I’ve experienced in my lifetime is an inclusive God, not an exclusive God.” •