Dan McDougal and Dirk Budd will never forget their 20th anniversary present.

Although Dan had approached Dirk several times about adopting children, Dirk was always hesitant. Yet, the couple had conquered seemingly insurmountable odds before, from making a cross-country move with a monkey, a turtle, two dogs and three birds, to taking on a well-established hui to build what is now Hawaii's largest pet retail chain.

But the idea of adopting really worried Dirk.

“We had a well-appointed house and everything was where it was supposed to be and life was comfortable,” Dirk says. “After a year or so, I reprioritized and tried to be less self-centered. One day I said ‘let’s go.’ And Dan gave me the biggest smile I ever saw.”

“Gay people didn’t adopt then,” Dan adds, so with no precedent, he simply looked in the phone book, found an adoption service, walked in and asked, “Can I adopt a child?” When the adoption service discovered race was not an issue for Dan and Dirk, they were welcomed with open arms.

“There’s that much discrimination in what people will take in children,” Dan recalls.

There was also discrimination on who could adopt. Dan had to adopt as a single man, and very few countries would allow single people to do so. The couple discovered that Cambodia had the fastest process, so they completed the paperwork for two children.

A few months later, as civil war gripped Cambodia, Dan and Dirk got a call to get on a plane to Bangkok and wait. Another phone call then instructed them to “be here tomorrow.” Upon arriving, the couple were placed in a car.

Dan recalls, “I thought they were taking us to the hotel to complete the paperwork,” while Dirk remembers “I thought we were going to have to spend all day at the embassy.”

Instead, they were driven past the ravages of war, poverty and a starving populace living in cardboard boxes. The car stopped, they were asked the name of their child, and within minutes - much to their amazement - Dan was holding six-pound Colin, his new son. It was September 23, 1998 ... his and Dirk’s 20th anniversary.

“We went from baggage claim to baby claim,” Dan jokes. “They just handed this tiny, tiny, tiny infant right over and said ‘OK, goodbye.’”

The rest of the couple’s anniversary was spent in the hotel learning how to prepare bottles.

Since the paperwork for their second child, Madeline, was not yet ready, the new family returned to Hawaii until a second call came on a Friday in January. Their daughter was ready, and they had to be there “immediately” as Cambodia was closing adoptions and the escalating civil war restricted air travel. Dirk and Dan were there by Sunday.

“The airport was now a Quonset hut with card tables with soldiers with machine guns checking passports,” Dan recounts.

Madeline in hand, they quickly returned to Hawaii, their new daughter “screaming the entire time.”

The effects of poor nutrition and poverty had taken a toll on the children’s health. Dan and Dirk endured dysentery, skin eruptions, daily weigh-ins, crying every 30 minutes and daily trips to the doctor ... all while running a business.

“I thought we had gone to hell on earth,” Dan laughs. “We went from the nicely-appointed home to romper room with an infant and a toddler in one crack. We got to know our pediatrician better than our parents.”

“Our kids are good examples of when people say they can’t do anything ([with their kids),” Dan said. “We didn’t even pick our kids. They were born into war and incredibly poor nutrition. Given a loving home, good nutrition and a healthy environment, we have two of the healthiest American children that God could ever produce. Kids just have to be given a chance.”

Dirk’s parents were also thrilled to get their only grandchildren. Although he had siblings, Dan remembers kidding his in-laws that “it took the queer son to get you those grandkids, didn’t it?”

The children continue to do well. “We instilled a high self-esteem with them,” Dirk said. “We taught them that there are all kinds of families. Some have a mom and dad. Some have two moms. Some have two dads. Some have grandparents.”

Dan continues: “I told them we wanted a family real bad and out of the whole world, we ended up together. We are all incredibly lucky and fortunate.”

Despite their good fortune, they still were not a family in the eyes of the state, a big concern for the couple.

“I had no legal rights whatsoever,” Dirk said. “I was taking the kids to school and appointments ... what if something happened? I had to walk around with a stack of papers - a dossier - in case something happened.”

Dirk needed to “adopt my children just as in a divorce situation,” Dan said, and they began the process.

Since their attorney had three successful adoptions for lesbian couples under her belt, they didn’t expect any issues. Dirk’s mother boarded a flight from Puerto Rico to attend the hearing. They entered the courtroom with all their paperwork, having no idea that they were the first male couple to attempt adoption in Hawaii.

“The judge reviewed everything and just looked at us and denied the adoption,” Dirk recalls.

“She requested a lot of legal briefs,” Dan continues. “She tried to delay and cost us lots of money - which she did - and draw it out. She was not a big fan of gay people, especially two men.”

Dan and Dirk persisted and got a second court date ... Sept. 11, 2001, at 10 a.m., just hours after the Twin Towers fell.

They entered the courthouse and “everyone was crying and armed guards were everywhere,” says Dirk. “The judge (Judge Karen M. Radius) excused herself, very emotional, and came back after she composed herself. She looked at us and said ‘based on what’s happened to our country today and considering these children came from a war-torn country, if there ever was a day for families, that day is today. I’m granting the adoption.’”

Dan adds, “We became a legal family that day. We were not aware we were the first men and it was obvious she didn’t think two men could raise a family. She shook her finger at us and said, ‘Don’t blow it, guys.'"

“We didn’t know whether to be happy or sad on that day,” Dan continues. “It was such a bizarre series of events. If not for 9/11 and the World Trade Center coming down, I bet you my arm that we would not be a legal family today.”

Dan and Dirk married June 23, 2005, in Vancouver. Madeline and Colin signed the certificate as witnesses and the couple made vows not only to each other, but also to the children to be good parents. After a wonderful family honeymoon in Alaska, reality returned as they reentered the U.S., and Dan and Dirk couldn’t risk checking “married" on the entry forms.

“They threw trick questions at us because our kids don’t look like us,” Dan says. “They thought we stole them. We put ‘single’ rather than get into a lengthy or uncomfortable discussion with someone who’s not that understanding. What a difference a border makes!” •