One wonders how Cynthia Fritts could remain spiritual or still believe in God.

This summer Cynthia’s husband Don, the retired captain of the nuclear submarine U.S. Pasadena, died suddenly, leaving her and their son, Will, alone. Don retired from the Navy in 2006 and had “been working out of the house the last three years, so it left a huge hole in both our lives,” Cynthia says. “He was my best friend and close to Will. That was hardest for me ... (the fear that) Will was not going to have a father.”

Luckily, Cynthia had two rocks in the wings for both her and Will to lean on: her brother, Bob Eichler, and one of her best friends and Will’s godfather, Stan Yonamine.

Both gay, “Stan and Bob have played a critical role,” says Cynthia. “Stan has been there constantly. My brother (who lives in Washington) calls me every day. Will misses his Dad so much and no one will ever replace him, but he needs to have men around so he knows that he’s not alone and that he has father images ... male role models. It makes us both feel less lonely and less isolated. I’ve had several breakdowns. My brother and Stan helped me through it, even though I felt I wouldn’t make it through the day.”

An unusual support system for a military family, but Don “was not typical military,” Cynthia explains. “When I first met him, he was a Republican, but Pat Buchanan changed that. He always thought gays should be able to serve in the military. When we first married, I had three demands: We live in Hawaii, we adopt a child, and my friends - many of them who are gay - are not negotiable. He never imagined he’d become a ‘fruit fly,’” she laughs.

Don honored all three of Cynthia’s demands and they adopted Will in 2001 from Azerbaijan. Stan recalls they “had a videotape of a few babies and Will just jumped out. He chose us.”

Stan was a natural choice for Cynthia to be Will’s godfather. They met decades ago “and always maintained a connection,” Cynthia says. “I’ve had many devastating things happen to me - my mom and dad died in the 1980s and my sister was killed - and I was always searching for very spiritual things to help me heal. He’s a close friend and the most spiritual person I know. Now, he’s finding out now that being a godfather is more than just a title. He’s always been important in Will’s life, but now he’s even more important.”

Bob’s “adoption” was also a natural fit. The Fritts family took a summer trip on Bob’s boat when Will was 8 years old.

“Bob was not used to having kids around,” Cynthia remembers, “but Will and Bob connected so much that Will cried when we left. That was an unusual connection. I was surprised because Bob has never been into kids.”

The four recently took a trip to The Big Island, which Will obviously enjoyed as he rattles off like a machine gun all the things he did ... a helicopter ride - “I saw lava for the first time” - zip-lining between mountains - “it was really high” - and “Mom trying to take a picture but took a picture of her finger.” He eagerly adds in: learning to do somersaults on a trampoline, knowing how to say “pee” in Japanese, fencing class and hula. The pace is dizzying.

Stan only smiles and chuckles. “I’d do anything for him."

A life-long resident of Hawaii, Stan recognizes that not all his homeland’s residents would define them as a family or “approve” of gay male role models.

“I thought they did at one time,” he said, “but then we had the backlash from the gay marriage thing (in 1998). It’s hard to say now if we are moving forward or not. I never would have guessed the vote in 1998 would have went the way it did. We never had that kind of political thought before, we just embraced.”

Cynthia believes things will eventually change.

“This isn’t going to be an issue for Will’s generation,” Cynthia explains. “My son doesn’t distinguish or see a difference in who people love. Twenty years from now, they’ll look back and say ‘that was really dumb that people didn’t have equal rights.’ Sort of like us today looking back at the '60s and interracial marriage.”

“I believe God is the sum of all of us,” Stan quietly continues. “We are all connected and there is no separation ... religion should be to find our connection to each other, not to separate. To feel that connection to each other is spiritual. That’s spiritual. That’s God.”

Cynthia elaborates: “They make God very small. None of us really know what God or what that energy is. He’s bigger than any of us can understand and I think some try and make God in their image instead of the other way around. They project their small-mindedness, their pettiness, their prejudices on to God. I can’t understand what God is, but I know he’s not that small.” •